12.28.25 2PM
First note, this journal is personal thoughts. Planning to maintain as part of mindfulness practice. (this was a pretentious lie -3.1.26)
It’s finally snowing. First rain, then ice, now there are big fluffily flakes of white.
6PM I decided to move my servers/gaming PC up to the old broken staircase. There’s a few weak/broken steps, so a server closet seems like a better use. It has a really high ceiling, so I may try hoisting my mountain bike up in it too.
I still feel lost and anti-social. I’m hopeful that actually beginning to organize my mind will help. I dream now and I really hate that. I find them bothersome and they often make me sad because I pine after people that I don’t think I should. But having them is probably healthy. I recentlyish stopped using THC altogether and started a ketogenic diet again, but for mental health this time. I’m hesitant to mention because I’m not sure how professional this site may end up becoming, but I figure the people I might worry about physical harm from can’t read and the data collection robots already know, so transparency in obscurity I suppose. I found an opportunity to start HRT, at least for a while and I’m really enjoying the change in chemistry so far. I’m sure there is overlay between that, keto, and dropping weed, but I feel like these are all good changes in my life. I know that fully transitioning isn’t my plan, but I really enjoy existing in a non-binary, and twink-death is really scary to me right now as I stare down 34.